


Merlin's Bee Castle

by princelogical



Series: Harry Potter Groupchat AU Sniplets [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Mostly Crack, Multi, Texting, a dabble of angst, and fluff, modern day AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 05:46:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10678929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelogical/pseuds/princelogical
Summary: Granger Danger (12:51pm):Grow up, honestly.Ronald MacDonald (12:52pm):im bearely an adultRonald MacDonald (12:52pm):bearely 18Ronald MacDonald (12:53pm):bearely can do anything yet!Granger Danger (12:53pm):Barely can spell.Ronald MacDonald (12:53pm)::(





	Merlin's Bee Castle

**Author's Note:**

> Alternatively titled: The overdone HP groupchat AU no one asked for.
> 
> Also; literally everything is the same except that HP takes place during current times where we have phones and memes and that lot.
> 
> Also also: I'm not even sorry bc I had fun writing this. :P

**Ronald Weasley has created a groupchat with you and Hermione Granger! (11:51pm)**

**Ronald Weasley has changed his nickname to Roonil Wazlib! (11:52pm)**

**Ronald Weasley has changed Hermione Granger’s nickname to Roonil’s fave girl! (11:52pm)**

**Ronald Weasley has changed Harry Potter’s nickname to Hairy Piper! (11:53pm)**

**Roonil’s fave girl has changed her nickname to Granger Danger! (12:00am)**

**Hairy Piper has changed Roonil Wazlib’s nickname to Ronald MacDonald! (12:01am)**

\---------

**Granger Danger (12:04am):** Ron, what is this for?

**Ronald MacDonald (12:04am):** idek, just felt liek creating a gc

**Granger Danger (12:05am):** *like

**Ronald MacDonald (12:05am):** dont

**Granger Danger (12:05am):** *Don’t.

**Hairy Piper (12:07am):** Do u guys wants to come over tomorrow? To Dudley’s place? He’s been letting me crash and all and wont be home tomorrow 4 work or smthn.

**Granger Danger (12:08am):** Okay. What did you want to do?

**Hairy Piper (12:09am):** Just would like to hang out

**Granger Danger (12:09am):** Okay. Sure, I’m free.

**Granger Danger (12:09am):** Ron?

**Ronald MacDonald (12:10am):** sure thing ill bring this new bromstikk i bought

**Granger Danger (12:12am):** *Sure thing. *I’ll *broomstick *I *bought.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:12am):** stop

**Hairy Piper (12:13am):** Sounds good. I haven’t played quidditch in wayyy to long.

**Granger Danger (12:13am):** *too

**Ronald MacDonald (12:14am):** s t o p or ill leave

**Granger Danger (12:14am):** You created it in the first place!

**Ronald MacDonald (12:15am):** I dont recal…. o.O

**Granger Danger (12:15am):** >_<

**Hairy Piper (12:17am):** Is around 4 ok?

**Ronald MacDonald (12:17am):** yes

**Granger Danger (12:17am):** Of course! :)

**Hairy Piper (12:18am):** Thnx!

**Granger Danger (12:18am):** …

**Ronald MacDonald (12:18am):** DONT DO IT

**Granger Danger (12:18am):** *Thanks

**Ronald MacDonald (12:19am):** AGH I DONT LIEK U ANYMORE

**Granger Danger (12:19am):** :*

**Granger Danger (12:20am):** *don’t *like *you

**Ronald MacDonald (12:20am):** -_-

**Ronald MacDonald has left the chat! (12:20am)**

**Granger Danger has added Ronald MacDonald to the chat! (12:21am)**

**Granger Danger (12:21am):** You created this hell; you stay in this hell.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:22am):** i regeret everything.

**Granger Danger (12:24am):** Everything besides your atrocious spelling apparently.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:25am):** u wound me

**Hairy Piper (12:30am):** I’m going 2 try to go to bed now. night.  <3

**Granger Danger (12:31am):** Good night, Harry. Good luck.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:35am):** good luck w/ wut? o.O

**Granger Danger (12:36am):** Sleep.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:36am):** i nvr need luck. i fall 2 sleep as soon and my head hits the pillw. Im a sleeping pro

**Granger Danger (12:37am):** Not everyone is like that.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:42am):** k. since ur all going 2 bed, im tucking in to, fam. g’night.

**Granger Danger (12:43am):** Never use that word again.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:43am):** bed?

**Granger Danger (12:45am)** : -_- No, “fam.” Goodnight, Ronald.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:46am):** :* Night bby

\---------

**Hairy Piper (3:03am):** I cant sleep.

**Hairy Piper (3:03am):** Dudley is snoring in the room beside me.

**Hairy Piper (3:04am):** It’s nice of him to let me stay and all

**Hairy Piper (3:04am):** but he snores SO LOUD.

**Hairy Piper (3:05am):** no sleep, no nightmares tho B)

**Hairy Piper (3:05am):** I shouldn’t have said that lol.

**Hairy Piper (3:05am):** gfjfdjkjgh

**Hairy Piper (3:05am):** fdjkfjhhf

**Hairy Piper (3:05am):** ignore everything pls

**Hairy Piper (3:22am):** night. again.

\---------

**Ronald MacDonald (12:46pm):** Harry, u allrite, m8?

**Granger Danger (12:47pm):** Please tell me you did not just wake up…

**Ronald MacDonald (12:48pm):** NO!

**Ronald MacDonald (12:48pm):** of course not!

**Ronald MacDonald (12:48pm):** i woke up @ 12 B)

**Granger Danger (12:49pm):** -_-

**Ronald MacDonald (12:50pm):** u in love w/ that emoji or smthn?

**Ronald MacDonald (12:50pm):** u cheatin on me for an emoji?

**Granger Danger (12:51pm):** Grow up, honestly.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:52pm):** im bearely an adult

**Ronald MacDonald (12:52pm):** bearely 18

**Ronald MacDonald (12:53pm):** bearely can do anything yet!

**Granger Danger (12:53pm):** Barely can spell.

**Ronald MacDonald (12:53pm):** :(

**Hairy Piper (12:56pm):** U guys still coming over today?

**Ronald MacDonald (12:57pm):** he lives!

**Ronald MacDonald (12:57pm):** heh

**Ronald MacDonald (12:58pm):** the boy who lived ;;;))))

**Ronald MacDonald (12:58pm):** but ye, im still coming 2 kick ur arse in quinditchh

**Granger Danger (1:00pm):** Sorry, I had to blind myself real quick to erase the reality that my EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD boyfriend can’t spell. (((:

**Granger Danger (1:00pm):** Also, *quidditch

**Ronald MacDonald (1:00pm):** :(

**Hairy Piper (1:03pm):** Ok :)

\---------

**Ronald MacDonald (2:26pm):** how many licks does it taek 2 get 2 the center of a tootsie pop?

**Hermione Granger (2:28pm):** It depends upon many aspects of the situation. One of them being how big of a lick the person takes. Also, you have to consider that the mass will vary slightly between each Tootsie Pop. So it really depends, I suppose.

**Hermione Granger (2:29pm):** Oh yeah… *take.

**Ronald MacDonald (2:30pm):** nerd

**Hermione Granger (2:30pm):** Wow.

**Ronald MacDonald (2:30pm):** ik, i can b mean :)

**Hermione Granger (2:30pm):** Bye

**Ronald MacDonald (2:31pm):** YOU FORGOT 2 USE A PERIED HAHA

**Hermione Granger (2:31pm):** *PERIOD

**Ronald MacDonald (2:31pm):** :(

**Hermione Granger (2:31pm):** :)

\---------

**Hairy Piper (8:56pm):** Thnx for hanging out 2night. :)

**Ronald MacDonald (9:00pm):** Np, m8. it was fun!

**Hairy Piper (9:01pm):** So what’s up?

**Ronald MacDonald (9:01pm):** nm. filling out a application

**Hermione Granger (9:01pm):** *an

**Hairy Piper (9:02pm):** application? For what?

**Ronald MacDonald (9:03pm):** 2 work with george until i can get a job as a auror

**Ronald MacDonald (9:03pm):** he’s making me fill the application out

**Ronald MacDonald (9:03pm):** even tho im his brother. its really rude

**Hermione Granger (9:03pm):** It’s good practice for the actual work force though. :)

**Ronald MacDonald (9:04pm):** ugh

**Hermione Granger (9:04pm):** Don’t “ugh” me, Ronald.

**Hairy Piper (9:07pm):** I h8 not being able 2 fall asleep. :(

**Hermione Granger (9:08pm):** I understand. Have you tried looking into therapy yet?

**Hairy Piper (9:08pm):** Not yet

**Hermione Granger (9:12pm):** You should try. It might help.

**Hairy Piper (9:13pm):** Yeah. Gonna try to go to bed. Night

**Hermione Granger (9:13pm):** Night.  <3

\---------

**Ronald MacDonald has changed Granger Danger’s nickname to or worse, expelled! (10:08pm)**

**or worse, expelled (10:23pm):** -_- That was one time!

**Ronald MacDonald has named the groupchat Merlin’s Bee Castle! (10:24pm)**

**or worse, expelled has changed her nickname to Gryffindor Genius! (10:27pm)**

**Gryffindor Genius has changed Hairy Piper’s nickname to The Boy Who (barely) Lived! (10:28pm)**

**Gryffindor Genius has changed Ronald MacDonald’s nickname to Can’t. Spell.! (10:29pm)**

**Can’t. Spell. (10:30pm):** :(

**Can’t. Spell. (10:30pm):** I want a divorce.

**Gyffindor Genius (10:30pm):** We’re not married.

**Can’t. Spell. (10:31pm):** we can change that ;;;;;)

**Can’t. Spell. (10:31pm):** lol

**Gyffindor Genius (10:32pm):** -_- Goodnight.

**Can’t. Spell. (10:32pm):** night :*

\---------

**Can’t. Spell. (11:43pm):** ok, ok, i haev a great idea!

**Can’t. Spell. (11:44pm):** im gonna invite draco the emolord and roast him

**Can’t. Spell. (11:44pm):** :D im a genius!

**Can’t. Spell. has invited Draco Malfoy to the chat! (11:45pm)**

**Can’t. Spell. (11:46pm):** ur hair is ugly

**Draco Malfoy (11:46pm):**?_?

**Can’t. Spell. has removed Draco Malfoy from the chat! (11:48pm)**

\---------

**Gryffindor Genius (6:30am):** Oh

**Gryffindor Genius (6:30am):** my

**Gryffindor Genius (6:30am):** God. -_-

**Gryffindor Genius (6:31am):** Do you realise how immature that was?

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (6:45am):** I bet he doesnt.

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (6:45am):** and tbh, he won’t be up for several more hours

**Gryffindor Genius (6:52am):** Should we apologise to Malfoy?

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (6:53am):** ...no?

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (6:53am):** Why apologise for the truth? ;)

**Gryffindor Genius (6:53am):** -_-

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (6:55am):** I looked up some therapy stuff bc I couldnt sleep

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (6:55am):** I set up something

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (6:55am):** Some doctor will call me

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (6:55am):** idk if itll help

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (6:56am):** But worth a try

**Gryffindor Genius (6:57am):** I’m very proud of you.

\---------

**Draco Malfoy has started a chat with you! (7:43am)**

**Draco Malfoy (7:43am):** Tell weasel to piss off.

**Harry Potter (7:43am):** How about I dont?

**Draco Malfoy (7:45am):** Precious Potter…

**Draco Malfoy (7:45am)** : Too good to tell anyone to piss off.

**Harry Potter (7:46am):** How about you piss off? :)

\---------

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (8:00am):** _screenshot.jpg_

**The Boy Who (barely) Lived (8:00am):** I think I handled it well. :)

\---------

**Can’t. Spell. (12:34pm):** wow, i am v proud.

**Can’t. Spell. has changed his nickname to ROAST LORD! (12:35pm)**

**Can’t. Spell. has changed The Boy Who (barely) Lived’s nickname to ROAST LORD #2! (12:35pm)**

**Gryffindor Genius (12:59pm):** I am deleting my account.

**ROAST LORD (1:00pm):** finally! :D

**_end_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Pls take into account this was supposed to be a crack!fic and like, I've never wrote one before. Pray for your girl, ya'll. She can't write crack for crap. :)))


End file.
